Monday, October 1, 2012

Are You Too Arrogant To Give Yourself Credit?

You have decided to work on a particular area of your life, and have made significant steps towards your goal of perfection.  You're no slouch either; you've put in work and can perceive a certain amount of success, although you're not satisfied with it.  You haven't reached the prize of the high calling yet, but you know that you're on your way.  Even your friends and family are noticing a change in you, although you won't allow yourself to celebrate your gains.  Why do you belittle, deny or ignore your steps in the right direction, rather than encourage your gains?  You do realize that you're being arrogant towards yourself, right?

It seems to be a human thing that we are always striving toward some goal.  We are always reaching for some prescribed box to force ourselves into. We do this, not for our own upliftment, but to comply with the ever changing opinions of nameless, faceless people who will never know us nor care to.   Whatever foolishness is currently floating on the winds of popular culture, that's what we too often mindlessly seek to have.  Whatever "they" tell us we lack as women, we mindlessly seek to acquire.    Yesterday, it was a zero fat body...except for the boobs.  Keep them fat and fatter by any means necessary.   Today it's having monstrously huge all costs!  The end always justify the means, even if you went to a back alley butt pumping party to get yours.  For many women, risking our lives is a small price to pay to conform.  We erroneously believe that in conforming, there is love.  BTW, seeking to conform is not solely a woman thing, not by a long shot.
But I digress.

So when you are working out, losing the weight slowly, surely, sanely, do you despise your small beginnings?  When you are building a new skill set, do you hate yourself for not already knowing, or for taking too long to learn?  Are you upset at yourself  because you're still answering phones at the job, and are not yet that natural hair salon owner?  Deep down, you feel you should somehow already know what you're now learning, you should never have gained all the weight, or you shouldn't have been so fearful in the first place.

Do you even know why you hate on yourself like this?  Do you know why you are so harsh in your unspoken self judgements and give yourself zero leeway in your growth curve?  Do you understand why you're this way, even when you're doing the right thing and see your positive growth?  It's a lack of emotional clarity.

Ok, to recap:
1. Self hate wells up within your heart when you aren't doing "the right thing".
2. When you decide to do the right thing, you're angry at yourself for not deciding sooner.
3. You hate your life during the process of doing the right thing. 
4. And the pièce de résistance, you hate yourself when you get the end result you sought, because you still aren't happy.    

All of this is kinda arrogant, you know.

Have you ever stopped to question whether you're correct in your self hatred, or do you arrogantly believe you're always right?  Sit down with a nice cup of tea and ponder these hard things.  While you're at it, take another sip of your tea and question your reading of your entire life.  Have you been well balanced in your conclusions?  Have you allowed self prejudice to come in and besmirch your true essence?  Be honest, now.  Have you negatively judged yourself in those milestone times of your life?  Well, that's alright.  You can be kinder and gentler to yourself now.  As Mother Maya Angelou has taught, "When we know better, we do better."  You didn't know any better.  You actually thought your negative self assessments were right, just because you made them.  You actually thought you were right when you called yourself a fat pig, ugly duckling, skinny stick figure, short and stumpy, dummy, etc., etc.  Now you know you were jacked up in your self assessments. 

Are you beginning to see the light?  Do you see where you were wrong all this time?  Good.  You have now freed yourself from the grip of arrogance, if you can now see yourself in a better light.  Maintaining this emotional clarity is a lifelong endeavor.  You are always a work in progress as you move to the place of self acceptance, but it's a journey worth taking and it gets easier as you go. 

Blessings and Happy Trails...

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